I discovered this theory about Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), promoted by Dr. Aron in her books (see her website: http://www.hsperson.com). This is a "distinct personality trait that affects as many as one out of every five people. According to Dr. Aron's definition, the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment". 

I started suspecting I might be an HSP when I shared how I "feel what other feel" and how I get overwhelmed in awkward social situations, because it seems I feel everyone's unease and other stuff that's going on (which in those kinds of situations seems to be plenty). It was at that point that a friend said she has similar experiences, and hinted this may come from the HSP trait.

I then started reading about it. However, reading the description of HSPs, what I couldn't identify with was the shyness and introvertness associated with it. Yes, I can feel overwhelmed when meeting new people, but I also have a strong drive that pushes me beyond the discomfort into discovering and sharing. I know I'm not a shy person. So I kept reading on, until I found a very interesting section, talking about our brain's two systems: the "activation system", a system that pushes us towards things, especially new things, and the "pause-to-check system", which basically is a sort of protection system, makes us stop until we have a better understanding of the new situation. HSPs have the "pause-to-check system" highly developed. The other,  "activation" system is highly developed with "HSS" - or High Sensation Seekers.

The author then goes to say that there are two types of HSPs: ones with the "activation system" not as developed, and the other - with both systems highly developed. In other words, there are HSPs who are also an HSS. Persons that fall into this group will be "very curious and very cautious, bold yet anxious, easily bored, yet easily overaroused". Now this looks very much like me.

This model really helped me understand some of my behavior. As an HSP, I get easily over-aroused. At the same time, I am continuously working hard to satisfy the inner perfectionist, and furthermore as an HSS (high sensation seeker) - I seek excitements and new experiences. I wasn't really aware of any of this, which just made it even easier to get into an overaroused state. I would loose sleep, feel more tired tomorrow, and therefore get more easily over-aroused. Eventually, I would even get sick. As always, awareness is a first step. Learning to deal with this is not easy.

It's important to remember however that this is a trait - it does allow me to develop high empathy for people, and dive deeper in self exploration and understanding of human nature. This also means that the trait itself can be leveraged to address it's nasty side-effect: over-arousal. It's a road of self discovery and continuous personal growth. The topic of this blog.

If you think you might be an HSP, I can warmly recommend Dr. Aron's book. If you think your partner might be an HSP, there is another interesting book that I found very helpful: Highly Sensitive Person in Love. Another interesting resource is the self-test on her website: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm.

Finally, I would like to share two insights about links between HSP and moderate drinking. The first one is all about what makes us drink. Basically, it's about numbing us, desentizing us, and for some, giving us the courage to face some situations. The other insight is about the delay tool. As you may know, there is a moderation tool that teaches us to delay the first drink as much as possible. Another important benefit I derive from skipping this first drink is that it allows me to "tune in": feel out what's going on in the group, and what's going on with me. That "tuning in" is both fun, and it helps me identify the underlying feelings and vibes. Maybe somebody is in a bad mood and is sending this negative vibe. As long as I was not aware of it, I used to tend to try to silent it by drinking.