Something a friend said made me think about sharing some of my moderation journey, it's good to offer different perspectives. We are all different, we're given different skills, minds, bodies, cultural and environmental context... So our journeys differ. But the more of us share, the easier it gets for you to piece your own picture from the different parts that speak to you. 

So, why moderate?

I think this an important question to think about. There are different options: (a) continue drinking beyond comfortable levels, (b) abstain (c) moderate. Guessing you are reading this because you chose not to pursue option (a), I will try to answer, for me, why moderate? Well, to begin with, I am not ready to give up alcohol. So if I can find the way to live with it without the nasty consequences, I am willing to try. This was the primary driver for me. For a while, I simply didn't really change my view on alcohol, I didn't want to give up getting drunk, but I did want to try to learn to moderate. Back then I didn't know that I will eventually change my outlook before I really learn how to moderate - much of this is really in the mindset.

Now another reason I discovered - why moderate - is that alcohol can really become a small, but enjoyable part of your life. Okay, that's a quote. But what does that really mean for me? Well, it means that I still enjoy many of the benefits that made me start drinking in the first place:

  • Enjoying the social lubricant function and the male bonding I have when I share a drink with my colleagues or people I don't know that well (or at all). Today, I shared an aperitif with a couple of people from work. I really enjoyed the bonding in the middle of a very hectic day I spent with them. The difference is that now I don't think that getting drunk with them will actually bring them closer to me, or that a drunken conversation where you spill your guts out means we're suddenly friends. I know their role in my life, I accept it, but it does feel good to bond
  • A romantic evening with my wife. These are precious. We have many lovely simple evenings without alcohol, but sometimes a glass or two of wine shared over dinner, makes the evening extra special. The key here is that we really both have to feel like it, which is not that often. Forcing this does not work. Nor will alcohol turn an otherwise dull evening into a better one. No, it only works with a bit of a special evening, it just makes it even more special
  • Relaxing and bonding with my friends - some of which are ex drinking buddies. It's almost all the same as it was (which makes it feel like a safe place to be), but it's just now I stay in control. It's the most difficult and risky one, sometimes I have to negotiate with my self to stop on time, but now I can do it in most situations without much effort. It's difficult when I combine friends I didn't see for a while with an occasion where everyone else drinks purposefully to get tipsy or drunk, and an event that takes a long time. Luckily, this combination is not really frequent - several times a year, so it's manageable. Here moderation allows me to chill out with them, and not to have to feel I'm too different.
  • Winding down after a long drive, or an extra stressful event. Getting a beer or two quickly in my system quickly calms me down, and it feels very rewarding. My trained stop button protects me from going overboard, and I know that although I do feel more relaxed, I will also need to rest and take my time to really recover - drinking more will not do it.
  • A nice and relaxing moment enhanced by a beer. Sitting in a sun on the edge of a swimming pol after a swim and yoga. Sharing a glass of wine with my family, when I'm on a vacation visiting them. Warming up with a glass of mulled wine after a walk in a cold and crisp air. You know, precious moments. Somehow, my stop button lights up mainly after one drink, because I already feel so good, and my body remembers the many moments I spoiled a good moment with one (or 5) too many
  • Alcohol as food. Take yesterday - my wife was cooking and I was cleaning up the house while my favourite beer (Triple Karmeliet) was chilling in the fridge and a bottle of our favourite red Bordeaux was breathing on the table.  My wife coked a delicious dinner of gnochi and forest mushrooms with fresh tomato, peppers and basil. The beer was a great starter, and the wine a perfect complement to the grat meal. We finished the glass over the next hour, talking. I did some yoga. After a dessert, I had half glass of slivovitz. It was a long, tasty, nutritious and really enjoyable meal. A perfect evening. Of course, there was more to alcohol than food. But it was such an important complement, and it made the dinner a really special event. Surely, we were already in a good mood, looking forward to the weekend. We still have a half of the wine bottle. Will enjoy that

So there are many reasons why I like to be moderate. But when you look at it, drinking doesn't really play a major role any more, even in those events. I don't go out to get drunk any more. I go out to be with people, and drinking can make it easier, or more enjoyable. This is really amazing for me. Most of those experiences enhanced by the booze are great to begin with, and not all great experiences can be enhanced with it. I don't drink every time I feel good, but sometimes - rarely - I really feel like it.

Freedom to go for it then (my personal freedom from my self - knowing it's totally okay) is why I want to moderate.