There was some discussion on the list about what moderation is. Is it drinking to BTB1 limits? Is it drinking less than before? Is it being able to have just 1 drink and be satisfied? My goal is not to define moderation in a scientific way; but I believe that taking a step back and thinking about what moderation actually is, or what it means for you - is a useful exercise. Here are my thoughts.

Let's see what the MM site says about it. I like the following simple definition: moderate drinker "considers an occasional drink to be a small, though enjoyable, part of life". This IMO is the basic principle. How we interpret this principle may vary. The key here in my opinion is being brutally honest with ourselves, and once we decide what this means for us, sticking to our definition (unless we evolve and find even better arguments to adapt it; the point being is not change it when we feel like drinking). Is drinking really a small part of my life? Or does it dominate my thoughts? Does it perhaps occupy a small part of my time, but it anyhow dominates some compartments of my life? Is drinking - or feeling a hangover from drinking - ever an obstacle for me to live my life the way I really want?

Furthermore, a moderate drinker feels comfortable with their use of alcohol (never drinks secretly and does not spend a lot of time thinking about drinking or planning to drink). Finally, a moderator "has hobbies, interests, and other ways to relax and enjoy life that do not involve alcohol". Check out the self-care ideas. 

There is another criterion mentioned on the MM site that I like. A moderator "usually does not exceed the .055% BAC moderate drinking limit". This seems to be a limit above which we start loosing "control", i.e. our judgment gets impaired. A limit above which the "lizard brain" takes over. To borrow the words of the MM hero Cannon, "The limbic system is part of the brain. It is the reptilian part. It desires, fears, hungers, feels good and bad, and does just about everything that reptiles do. The part that makes us human is the cerebral cortex. This part of the brain reasons, remembers and generally keeps the impulses of the limbic system under control.

At a certain BAC the cerebral cortex starts to work poorly. The higher the BAC, the worse it gets. The reptilian limbic system takes control and it has us doing whatever we want, regardless of the price that must be paid. This usually involves drinking a great deal of alcohol."

A moderate drinker typically feels when they approach this crucial limit. I feel very clearly that I am about to start loosing full control over my thoughts. The feeling is border-uncomfortable, and I feel the need to stop or pause drinking. This is what we here sometimes call: seeing, or feeling the stop button (and then pushing on it = being able to stop).

In moderate eating, learning to stop when full and satisfied starts to feel very close to discovering one's stop button. Actually, isn't that what moderation is all about? Learning how to stop when satisfied. Not learning how to stop when we reach a certain number of drinks, but getting back in touch with our body's and our mind's natural signals of satisfaction and getting attuned to the "enough" signal. The "stop button".

Now of course, numbers play a crucial role in practice. Also, counting drinks is a very simple and quite light way to help us stay aware. And without increased awareness, there is no intuitive drinking or eating - how can you feel you had enough if you are not paying attention to what your body and mind are telling you? I am not sure if awareness can be included in a definition of moderation, but awareness is in my opinion one of the major skills you can learn on your road to moderation.

Moderation is all about replacing the problem drinking habits with a habit to check in with our selves regularly. And that can only be done with increased awareness. Someone asked if moderation ever becomes a second nature. Well I think if you can accept the increased level of awareness, then yes. I used to complain about this, it bothered me. Like - why do I have to be so self-aware when drinking, while others seem so "natural" and relaxed. Will I ever be able to relax? Well, this exactly seems to be the point. People with the tendency to abuse alcohol are not aware, and those who moderate are very aware. They are so aware of the effects they clearly see their stop button. They are just so used to this increased awareness, that they feel it as a second nature. Alcohol is a serious substance, drinking carries risks. Of course we got to be aware. Nobody doubts we need to be aware while driving a car.

Now I finally understand something my grand granddad use to say to my father: stop eating when you most enjoy it. I never liked this, because the way I understood this was: you have to have the discipline to stop eating at the point where your desire to eat is highest. To me, this sounded very ascetic, almost masochistic. But I think what my grand granddad actually meant was: stop eating when satisfied. A wise man he was, after fighting 7 years in three wars. This indeed is about enjoying alcohol, and once we reach satisfaction, just stopping. Not going for too much of the good thing, trying to keep the party going. It leads to pain. Alcohol is really only enjoyable for the first cou

Now to complete this definition of moderation, I want to draw your attention to another two points.

A first point has to do with strict vs. flexible rules. What bothers me about strict rules is the underlying assumption that we can not be trusted. Even after a lot of practice, and proven progress in behaviour change, we can not rely on our selves to make the right choices. We need rules and numbers to tell us how to behave. The underlying belief that there is something either inherently wrong with us, or that we suffer from an incurable disease. So unlike most other people, we have to submit our selves to either a life of following strict rules, a life governed by numbers and counting, or a life of total abstinence.

Well I choose not to believe that. I think it's quite the contrary. Once you know you're ready, and after the period you need to take to re-examine your self, and practice a new behaviour long enough - I repeat, *long enough* - you need to start trusting your self you can do this. As simple as this may sound, this is really not easy for most of us.

A side note: following strict rules during the stage of practising your new behaviour may be a good tool for you, as it was for me - as it forced me to tap the inner creativity I needed to fight the old habits. Another note: having clear guidelines is not a bad idea. Having, as a friend calls them, "programmed exceptions" (or planned exceptions) can also fit in our moderation practice.

The tricky thing here is that our mind can use all these thoughts to play tricks on you, and slowly and gradually pull you back in the old drinking habits. That's why it's important never to take moderation for granted. It is a continuous balancing act, and it requires a lot of self awareness and honesty.

An way out from this is installing "alarm bells" - some objective (e.g. number based) means to warn you when you are getting into a danger zone. Or a regular review points where you review your progress in an objective way. Abstar is a great tool there too.

A final point is: I want to grow out of drinking.

I am very inspired by what I once heard from a friend when I asked her how comes she drinks so little, so let me end this post by quoting her: "The short answer is: I don't have that much of a taste for drinking any more.

The longer answer is, it took a long time and it happened bit by bit. I looked at problems in my life that I was using alcohol to solve, and I worked on finding other solutions. I looked at how drinking had affected my relationships and made some changes there.

I added change after change to my toolbox. If a new situation came up, I devised a new tool to handle it in the future.

As I practiced drinking less, I began to appreciate the effect of just 3 drinks, then 2, then 1. Any time you see a half drink for me, that's just a bit of wine with dinner, or I started to drink, then realized I didnt't want it after all. Bottom line is: 2 drinks is usually quite enough for me in terms of buzz."

For me, this is the full promise of moderation. I know that to finally "loose the taste for drinking" I need to continue working on the underlying issues that I (mis)used alcohol to cope with. I need to keep growing.

Stay moderate and safe!

__________

1 BTB, or By The Book moderation refers to the book Responsible Drinking and means drinking no more than 3 drinks a day and 9 a week for women, or 4 a day and 14 a week for men, with at least 3 or 4 non-drinking days a week