Today I would like to share with you what others have shared with me during my first 301 two years ago. I started absing, and then there was it: the first social trigger. Social triggers were my major triggers for many reasons:

  • Like any trigger, I have created a habit, a conditioning: in certain social settings I simply drank; even so that no other option seemed available 
  • Using alcohol as a social lubricant; it's easier for me to connect with people, especially with people I don't know that well. Being around people I don't know well creates a level of social anxiety in me. Alcohol helps me deal with that. The (sometimes) superficial conversations leave me empty. Alcohol creates a feeling of deeper connection, of sharing
  • There is social pressure. I mean everyone else is drinking, right?

So back to my story. I was facing the social trigger, and I felt so much pressure, I wanted to simply stop my 30. I mean, I already done 12 (or whatever the number was at the time). I can just resume after that. But something told me to post about it on the list2.

Insight: if you have doubts about posting, sometimes it is a good idea to post anyhow. Almost every time I did so, I was surprised by the amount of insight it gave me; from creative and insightful replies, but also from engaging in the writing process and discussion, from challenging my self. The list is a great, great tool.

What people (on the list) told me back then was sure I can stop with the 30, I already had absed and learned, and it's okay and no one will judge

BUT

what may be worth trying is to prepare and abs anyhow. An important point of the 30 is to face the drinking triggers. They told me the story about the boogieman under the bed. Anticipation is much scarier than the event it self. So this is what I did:

  • With some help from the list, I made sure I had a good excuse for not drinking (it turned out I didn't even need it)
  • I prepared mentally for this. I imagined the situation. I visualized my self there, sitting, not drinking. I though about what else will I drink and what will I do.
  • I went on and I absed. It was only difficult for the first few minutes
  • I felt so empowered, my self-esteem got a serious boost, my body and my soul were so grateful to me for doing that, I couldn't believe it

Some insights from absing in social situations:

Insight:  Social pressure is actually not that high most of the times. People rarely pay attention to what you are doing. Or a simple and firm "no, thank you" does it in most situations. Sometimes a "maybe later" feels more comfortable. No need to explain your self. In fact, look more carefully. Is everyone else really drinking? Pay attention. I started to discover the moderate people around me back then. I observed them. They used some of "our" tools: they would delay the first drink. They would sip. They would switch to NA. Only a few of them really hit the booze.

Insight: You have all the power of your mind and soul to connect with people. You can take the time to really listen. Try to hear the silent ones. You will be surprised. Share. Engage. Every time you are with someone, there is a tremendous opportunity to connect and to learn. I can only imagine how many of those I have missed because I was too occupied by a passionate argument with another drunk trying to out-speak, out-loud each other.

Insight: Once you've done it, once you've faced the fear, the boogieman under your bed; you take a lot of the edge from the trigger. You know you can do it. This increases your chance you will eventually moderate in this situation.

Insight: You learn about self awareness. It may seem odd, it may even bother you. But don't worry, mindfulness and self-awareness you are learning will be your greatest ally in future. You don't mind being aware and mindful while driving, do you? Well, drinking is a risky activity, like driving is. Moderate people pay attention - we are just used to it. 

Insight: The more you flex that muscle, the stronger it becomes. You start forming new pathways in your brain, a new habit. 

Stay well and be kind to you selves. 

1 30 - a period of 30 days of abstinence

2 list - the online support forum at http://www.moderation.org