I’ve proclaimed this to be the week of self-care. I’ve been thinking about what I need a lot (this is how I understand the essence of self-care: meeting your own needs). This morning as I was reading a great book called “Health at Every Size” (more about this book later), I had a light bulb moment. I lived with a false need to lose weight for a very long time.

An interesting test I discovered for a need is to ask “why do I need that”. A perceived need may hide other, more fundamental needs. It is those I need to go after. In fact, a perceived need may be a very bad strategy to meet the underlying needs. Or it may simply hide the fact I already have the underlying needs met – and that I just need to let go and enjoy what I have! This is exactly the case with my perceived need to lose weight.

Why do I need to lose weight? If I go to the past, back to my early teenage years, it all started with a need to be one of the cool kids. I wanted the attention and awe they were getting. I wanted the girls to fall for me. I thought the only thing that is standing in my way was my weight. Digging deeper, there is a need for affection from my father. He used his affection (or the lack thereof) to control us. He would show it when we would behave the way he wanted. I learned very early that in order to earn acceptance and love, I need to change who I am. As I perceived weight to be the blocking point for getting the attention I wanted, I concluded: I must lose weight. This is what stands between me and my happiness. Well, this is just sad. I was a kid, I didn’t know better.

But let’s fast-forward to present. I am not a kid any more. And you know what? I’ve got what I needed so desperately, and learned to accept what I cannot get. It was focus on weight loss preventing me to really see that. I have a wonderful beautiful wife who loves me for who I am. I have friends of many years who love and respect me, a work that I enjoy and where I am respected. My parents are alive and well, and I get as much love and affection from them as I will ever be able to get. In fact – I get more of it than I actually need as an adult. The thing I really need now is love and affection from me.

So I do not need to lose weight. It’s the opposite I need! I need to accept myself that way I am. I need to learn to relax, and fully enjoy the gifts that I have, and focus on simply living my life.