Good Life Cuisine
Let's Grow Together
Week 3: How can I make peace with brownies?
I woke up too early and had a long day at work. I caught myself reflecting on the way home of whether I should eat or not, as I was not yet feeling hungry (diet-style thinking about whether I "deserve" to eat or not).
When I entered, I smelled brownies. I was kind of planning to eat something light, rest and go swimming, and then treat myself to a brownie. But I realized I was coming down with a cold, so better stay home.
I realized I didn't stop thinking of brownies this whole time. I was still feeling full from the dinner, but I couldn't resist. I walked to the brownie plate. I felt anxious as I looked at them. As I took a piece, I almost felt my hands shake. I ate it too fast, didn't really enjoy it (although they were really delicious). Then I went for another serving. And another one. I felt guilty and anxious eating them.
After that I felt quite stuffed, slightly pass the level of comfort, and I decided to stop. I saw my thoughts going to the direction of more, but I could tell myself truly that I had enough, which was still better than my last brownie binge.
An hour later I started to re-read the first chapter of the book when I saw a paragraph saying that every binge is a potential learning experience. So I decided to reflect and reach out. I realized that I really find it difficult to make peace with brownies. I simply can not buy it that eating brownies is okay. Well, maybe a little piece. I also believe that I can not control myself around the. These thoughts create anxiety in me, and awake the feeling of deprivation. As soon as I reach for brownies, next to guilt, I start feeling the fear that the brownies will be taken away from me. I then really start losing control. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.
How can I learn to make peace with brownies?
Thanks for letting me share.
Mon, 03/08/2010 - 16:08
If you substitute "potato chips" for "brownies," then I can say I know exactly how you feel!
-- Wingette
Fri, 03/05/2010 - 07:16
I am happy I did is. It was a non-judgmental reflection about my experience. By just sitting "next to it", looking at it, being curious about what happened. I did have to wait an hour though before doing that to completely calm down. The way I see it now is a great learning experience. Having said that, it was an emotionally difficult event, so I do not want to do this too often - but that is also the aspect that makes it so useful to learn and the lesson to impress in my memory. Now I understand what the patients from the IE book meant when they said that binging is very useful part of learning.
There is another insight I gained, thanks to my friends from the http://throughthickandthin.myfreeforum.org forum. It is important to pace this process. At the moment I don't feel like I'm rushing through it - I actually enjoyed my week of food exploration. I do however see the value in classifying foods in several categories:
* Super healthy light foods (e.g. fresh fruit, veggies...). I enjoy eating those, and I feel physically uncomfortable if I skip them even for a day. I definitely see the value in making peace with those. I did it quite some time ago. The pure tastes of fresh fruit can not be beaten. I use fresh veggies as a side dish, they make my meals less dry and richer in taste.
* Healthy fun and satisfying foods - this is the category that is very worth exploring. Like the antipasti of mozzarella, chili, and lemon crostini I mentioned in my post. Or all sorts of fun salads (I discovered you can put almost anything in salads). Or soups. Or veggie-based wok (e.g. noodles), or fish/veggie recipes. I made peace with those a long time ago too and integrated them in my daily eating habits. This can be approached in a fun way, as it allows you to experiment with ingredients, tastes and recipes.
* Moderately risky foods. These are - for me - foods that are heavier but that I do eat from time to time (like order of spare ribs in a restaurant, or basically anything with fries). I will need to re-frame and re-think those foods. Re-discover how they really taste, learn to recognize when I really want them and learn to give myself unconditional permission to have them when I really do want them (I guess this needs to go hand in hand with discovering how I really feel about them).
* High-risk foods, often the former forbidden foods. Foods I feel difficult to control myself around. E.g. all sorts of heavy sweets and desserts, and really fatty foods (like bacon, really fatty peaces of meat, mayo...), crisps... With those, it makes sense to take my time, and approach them mindfully, and in a controlled way.
While approaching risky foods I think restaurants can help, or just buying a moderate quantity upfront. In addition, I think it also makes sense to check in with myself to see how I'm feeling - if I'm already overwhelmed by work/other things in life, perhaps it is better to find another time to experiment (because these foods can be intensely emotionally comforting as well; but I guess this will be the topic of another week, when I start looking at emotional eating).
What I might also include is a fun and light desserts. Something worth exploring. They may even be worth integrating in my main meals - to complement the tastes and types of foods I eat in a meal.
Take care,
Bigman